Hello, this is Stefan Salvatore. The guy with balls deader then Klaus himself. Today I will show you how to get a girlfriend and the best methods of protection.
Save her from a car crash. All girls love a hero.
If she looks like your ex girlfriend then stalk her for months and make sure it’s not her. Who cares if it’s creepy just do it anyways.
Run into her at school. Make sure you know what to say so you won’t sound like an idiot and scare her off. This is important in the field of stalking someone.
Talk with her friends and act like a complete dumbass that does not know anything about them when you already do. The key here is to lie. Lie, lie, and lie some more. Chances are they aren’t going to figure it out until much later.
If you happen to meet each other at a cemetery and she asks you what you’re doing there, just smile and say you have family there instead of saying that you were stalking her to see what she does everyday of her life. If you do that then you are officially a advanced stalker.
Lying is the best form of protection. Some may disagree but let’s face it, we vampires have to lie in order to keep our secrets safe. Oh and we have to be sure not to tell them about our older brother that is way more hotter, smarter, and superior then you are. She must never find out about him.
Oh look a picture of your beloved ex that has betrayed you in the worst way possible but awe you still have feelings for her. Since you can’t get over your ex just use her twin as a replacement. I mean why would I stalk Katty’s twin if I didn’t want to be reminded of her?
Aw shit she found out about Damon and my secret. Best thing to do in this situation is to fill her head with bad things about said brother and tell her “everything” about yourself when really you’re only telling her a quarter of the truth. Yep still keeping secrets.
The best thing to do now is to try and walk away when you see her still not accepting what you are. But…you can’t walk away because you still love your ex that looks like your girlfriend so you have to stay and “get to know her” more!
brood brood* brood this is what you do when you get depressed when you fear that your girlfriend may start to hate you now that she knows about her clone and her looking alike. Your cover is blown to hell. What to do now? You have to lie yourself out of this one.
FUCK. You just received a call from your older brother and he has your girlfriend with him! Damn damn damn DAMNIT! She and your brother might bond and…and…she might actually start to like him and he might tell her more about you that you’ve kept hidden from her! NOOOO!!! I think you should go watch the sunset and brood at the sun until it goes away. That’s what everybody does.
Ok, so now you have your girlfriend back and you can start by telling her how you saved her from that car crash and blah blah blah make yourself look good and continue to taint the image of your older brother who is once again trying to steal your girl. NOT COOL! Your brother is a raging psychopath that deserves nobody!
All is going well in your perfect little world of lies and secrets. Your girlfriend is blissfully ignorant of all the secrets you have that you never plan to tell her until she catches you red handed. I mean, make yourself look good when your caught. And also continue to rub in your brother’s face about him killing your best friend. That makes anyone feel better about themselves.
So now she’s breaking up with you because her aunt is in the hospital because of your crazy ex that came back to town. What do I do, you ask? Cry like a pussy and hopes she forgives you.
So now that you have saved your girlfriend from an evil vampire hell bent on having her killed you two are back together again! Yay for you! In reality it was your brother who staked the bastard but since your an asshole take all the credit for it and get all her love and attention. Because god knows your beyond pathetic and can’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag unless if your hotter sexy eyebrows brother doesn’t help you. But hey atleast you get the girl in the end
that’s all that matters right?
You decide that the town your living in gets too crazy for your taste and what do you do? Why, take your girlfriend on a romantic getaway to a lakehouse which involves her finding out another part of your deep dark past. Oops. Naturally you have to tell the truth or else she’ll go running to your older brother asking questions. But don’t forget to ALWAYS make yourself look good in the process. Don’t want your girlfriend to think your older brother is better. Remind her of when he killed your best friend. Yeah, that’ll make her feel sorry for you instead of angry.
So you just found out that your brother is in love with your girlfriend. Ah ha! You always knew something was up with that guy! What do you do? Tell him that she’ll never respect him! Yeah, that’ll earn you a good punch in the face but what can I say the truth is a fucking bitch.
Aw hell no! You just found out that your brother forced his blood down your girlfriend’s throat! Weren’t you going to do that but didn’t have the man power to do it yourself? Well you just got called out on that one. But just do what I do. Get angry, give your brother a good beating, and ta da you’re back in the good graces of your girlfriend again! Next, take her to a waterfall and tire her out before the ritual.
If your girlfriend wants to kill herself, don’t argue against her, just agree with her. I mean you don’t want her pissed at you again do you? Be supportive of her suicidal thoughts and at times give them a boost. You’ll always look good in her eyes. Always.
A vampire is waiting for you as you get out of the car. He tells you to hand over your girlfriend. So like in a game of Simon Says whatever your girlfriend tells you to do, you do it. If she wants you to close your eyes while evil vampire of all time takes her away, you do it.
Now that she’s gone you go call your older brother and tell him to get her and bring her back to you. That’s what all guys with no balls do.
Thanks for reading my guide of how to get a girlfriend and the best methods to keep her safe and protect her! Thanks for reading have a great day!
Съб Юли 30, 2011 5:31 pm by Гост
